Dad's email gave the brief particulars of the funeral and also let us know that he and Mom were going to make the five hour trip to be present to pay their condolences to the family. In person, my dad can talk the leg off a horse but he's not very verbose in his electronic communication. He had written enough to let us know the basics but there was something that unsettled me about his note. For the next several days, I found myself thinking about these friends so far away and whom I had seen so seldom of late.
I found my mind going to my childhood memories of visiting the Sangsters in their home on the eastern shore of Nova Scotia. I had loved the energy and vigor of this family. Two of Alvin and Hilda's five children where just a bit older than I, their middle daughter the same age as me and then their younger two the same age as my younger siblings. Our families always enjoyed being together whenever an occasion would present itself.
The Sangsters were fishermen. Alvin, his brother Terry, and their father Victor spent their lives on the sea and there seemed to be a certain "old world" ruggedness about how they lived their lives. Although their boats were very modern and decked out with all the latest gear, to me there was always a sense of adventure and mystique about the life of one that lives that close to nature and the elements.
The morning of Alvin's funeral I went online to read his obituary. It always surprises me how someone's life can be reduced to two or three inches in a newspaper column. As I scanned the list of possible internet links, I saw several that lead to videos posted on "youtube". I clicked and discovered that Alvin's 70th birthday party had been recorded and posted online for those family members who were not able to attend.
It was just as if I were reliving my childhood as I saw the images and heard the voices of old friends. Although uninvited, I was able to share in the celebration in that little house in Port Bickerton on the windswept coast of the Atlantic ocean. Better than the most well-crafted obituary were the expressions of love, the laughter and the tributes of family and friends. Even the guest of honor took a moment to thank those who had come and commented that he had waited 70 years to have a surprise birthday party in his honor.
In those moments as I watched the video account of his birthday party, it occurred to me that Alvin's family was gathering for his funeral with very few regrets. This was a family that had loved their dad out loud! They had celebrated him enthusiastically just a few months earlier. I'm sure their grief is deep and the pain of separation will be felt for a long time - but the memories of a life well lived will be a balm that will soothe and heal the pain.
And so from my musings and reflections of the past few weeks come a couple of challenges. First, that when I attend the funeral of those I hold dear I want to be able to come having celebrated and honored them while they were alive. And secondly, to live my life in such a way that when I am gone those whom I loved and who loved me will be able to come to my funeral with no regrets. I'm not planning to check out of this life anytime soon - nor am I planning to sit in the mourner's bench in the near future - but I am thinking about the parties that need to be planned and those that need to be celebrated.
